You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize