it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
