it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
