How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
