you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
