ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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