My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
