i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
