Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
