Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
