never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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