If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
