i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
