she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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