Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
