when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
