just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
