In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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