he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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