OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
