Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
