I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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