she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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