My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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