I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize