This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
