My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
