In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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