it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
