im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
