so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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