worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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