He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
