absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
