She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize