If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i used baking grease as lip gloss
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
