I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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