Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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