I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
