Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
