the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize