lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
