he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
