So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
