If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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