I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
