god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
