I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
