Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
