Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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