you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
