I wannas sexs uuuuu
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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