In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
whose parrot is this?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
