the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize