He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
