you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
