I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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