Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
