Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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