and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
did i just pee glitter
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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