Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
