69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
