it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
