Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
