Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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