fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
