the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
