My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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