I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
