if you like me you must not know who I am
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I look better un-naked...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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