Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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