Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
