I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize