remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
