So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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