I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
