Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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