If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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