I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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