How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
