My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
