with your own penis?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize