umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
