It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
