When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
