rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
