she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize