In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
