don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize