I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
