i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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