"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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