i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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