she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm getting married
To pizza
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
