thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are the jesus of drinking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
