How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
