saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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