there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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