Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
