Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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