Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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