No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
