So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
