I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
