Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
