dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
