You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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