I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
